Crack That Whip / The Best Lazy Day Ever

Betty Jo Flynn and Hildegard Johnson have a roller derby rematch: Betty Jo, Ferb and Candace against Hildegard, Jeremy and Suzy. But Candace is worried that if her team wins, Jeremy might not like her anymore. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is out to destroy a statue of Rutherford B. Hayes, but is plagued by a terrible headache. Phineas and Ferb decide to do absolutely nothing for the day. Candace questions her purpose in life after realizing that she can’t bust her brothers for doing nothing. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is tired of being the ugliest person around, so he invents a device that can turn anything and anyone ugly.

Summary
"Why is my grandma fighting with your grandma?"

- Jeremy Johnson, asking Candace Flynn

Lawrence finishes practicing his speech for the Antique Thimble Symposium and looks to his family for their reactions. Phineas likes it, but Betty Jo fakes falling asleep. Linda chides her mother, who says she was only kidding and tells Lawrence the speech will be a big hit. Lawrence and Linda head to the symposium and tell them on the way out that Candace is skating at the park. Immediately after they leave, Betty Jo asks, “You want to go down and embarrass your sister at the park?” Her husband, Phineas and Ferb immediately agree.

At the park, Stacy is offering encouragement to Candace, who hasn’t been skating in a while. Candace isn’t quite so sure as she’s still a bit clumsy. Her thoughts naturally turn to wondering if Jeremy is also at the park. Within minutes, the pair come across Phineas, Ferb, Betty and Clyde. Ferb is demonstrating his skating skill. The group invites Candace to skate with them, but Candace doesn’t want to be seen with them. She gets Stacy’s help to turn around and skates off.

Phineas asks his grandmother how she learned to skate so well. Betty Jo begins the story, but is knocked down when she bumps into Hildegard. They immediately recognize each other from their days on roller derby teams: Betty Jo from the Tri-State Bombers and Hildegard from the Saskatoon Slashers. Phineas is surprised to learn this, and Betty Jo obliges him by relating the story of the final 1957 match between the two teams: on the final lap, both teams had decided to use “the whip” to win the event, but Hildegard knocked Betty Jo down and crossed the finish line.

Betty Jo is still incensed that Hildegard cheated in that match, but Hildegard reminds her that it was an “anything goes” match. Betty Jo proposes a rematch and Hildegard accepts. As the two begin trading insults, Jeremy skates up to Candace and wonders why his grandmother is yelling at Candace’s grandmother. Candace wasn’t aware of the relationship.

Hildegard forms her team by calling Suzy over to Jeremy. Candace suggests that her grandmother choose the boys. Suzy turns on the charm and convinces everyone that the teams need to be the same (two girls and one boy). Phineas and Jeremy agree to Suzy’s suggestion, which melts Candace’s reluctance. Suzy skates off with a rapid pirouette, but not before telling Candace ominously, “See you on the track, chump.” Candace then sees a way out when she remembers the old derby track was turned into a tattoo parlor. Phineas volunteers himself and Ferb to take care of supplying a new one.

Back at the house, Perry goes on duty as Agent P and hops in a package that he places outside the front door. It is immediately picked up, shipped off by jet, processed, shipped back by jet, and delivered to a mail drop that lands it on the command chair in his underground lair. Major Monogram compliments him on the entrance, reminds him about the elevator, but quickly backs down when Agent P gives him a quelling look. The Major gives Agent P his mission: “Doofenshmirtz is up to something. I want you to get out there and put a stop to it.”

Above ground, Candance discusses her fears with Stacy. If her team wins, will Jeremy still like her? Stacy doesn’t have any advice, other than boys don’t like to lose to girls. Grandpa Clyde pokes his head around the backyard fence, looking for a glue gun. Candace immediately runs over to see what’s going on. She’s dismayed that he’s helping the boys with their latest scheme. Before she can call her mom, Betty Jo comes by and puts on a ferocious display of competitive spirit.

Meanwhile, Agent P rappels down the side of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated and enters through an open window. He’s ready to fight, but Dr. Doofenshmirtz is suffering from a hangover that came as a result of staying too late at a party the previous night. He activates a cage trap that falls on Agent P and begins telling him about his latest scheme. Unfortunately, his head hurts too much for a flashback, so Heinz has to settle for summing up his scheme: “I’ve tried everything to grow facial hair, it’s all so painful, I hate people with beards, et cetera, et cetera.” Doofenshmirtz finishes pushing the cage to the window and reveals the source of his annoyance. A new statue to President Rutherford B. Hayes has been erected in the statue next to his building, symbolizing the best beard that Doofenshmirtz knows of. He proclaims the statue must be destroyed as a new wave of pain strikes his head.

In the backyard, crowds have filled the new roller derby stadium and Betty Jo goes over strategy one last time. They’ll use “the whip” to launch Candace across the finish line. Candace is troubled again, imagining Jeremy being upset when his grandmother loses. She doesn’t know what to do and doesn’t notice that Suzy switched her roller skates. Up in the press box, Phineas announces the contest and hands it off to Clyde as a literal color commentator, naming off three colors in place of facts about the race.

The match begins. Betty Jo and Hildegard determinedly remain neck-and-neck while Jeremy keeps pace with a struggling Candace. As the match continues, Phineas and Clyde sing Ring of Fun to the spectators. Suzy attempts to slam into Ferb. However, he avoids this by jumping over her.

Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., Dr. Doofenshmirtz continues describing his plans, pushing the cage back from the window. It’s too much for him, and asks Agent P to get out of the cage so they can walk to his invention together. It’s a “Bread-inator,” which will turn the statue into bread, to be devoured by hungry magpies that will be released.

At the end of the race, both sides whip their designated team mate forward, putting Jeremy and Candace neck-and-neck. Suzy decides the time is right to make use of the roller skates Candace is wearing. A push of a button activates the rockets on the skates and Candace is driven backwards, up through the bleachers, up into the air. The blimp that has been circling the event saves her, bouncing her back down onto the track. Jeremy’s impressed by her skating.

Suzy misses the fact that Candace took hold of Jeremy’s hand and presses the button again. Both are dragged backwards. She sees her mistake and tries to skate away but is caught by the pair as they fly through the air, followed shortly by Ferb. Betty Jo and Hildegard manage to leap over them, Betty Jo landing first, and Hildegard landing on her shoulders several seconds later. They cross the finish line together.

Their age-old rivalry resurfaces as they argue about who won. It’s momentarily broken when Candace says she had fun, but the realization that being with the kids should have been more important quickly ends and the argument resumes. They decide that a race to the Hayes statue will settle the matter. Everyone except Candace and the boys immediately follows them.

Over at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, Doofenshmirtz’s heart just isn’t in carrying out his scheme because his head still hurts. He fires the Bread-inator out the window and Agent P turns it off, but not before the magpies are released. He walks off so he can lie down and rest.

Outside the building, the beam bounces off a mirror that’s being carried in front of the statue, arcing down into the Flynn-Fletcher backyard. It strikes the arena just after Candace goes to get her parents who had just arrived back home. When she skates back to the boys, she sees a giant loaf of bread where the arena used to be. Candace gives Phineas a suspicious stare which he returns by shrugging his shoulders and mumbling, “I don’t know.”

Undeterred, Candace goes back to her mom to tell her about the loaf of bread. Linda questions her daughter about the change, but by the time both get into the backyard, the magpies have swooped through and eaten the bread. Candace stutters, and Linda thinks she lost it. Lawrence proclaims his speech was “thimbly wonderful.” Phineas finds Suzy’s remote control and activates it. Candace is driven backwards one last time into Jeremy’s arms. Ferb compliments him on his good catch, to which Candace dreamily comments that he sure is (a good catch).

"We’re doing nothing today."

- Phineas Flynn

Phineas and Ferb wake up, and Phineas ‘beats’ his alarm clock. He asks Ferb if he’s ready to make a safe backyard train station, and Ferb was ready. They zoom out of the house, announcing their jobs for the day. Phineas notices that it’s a beautiful day, and that all of nature is relaxing. Phineas and Ferb decide to do nothing that day. Meanwhile, Candace is talking on the phone with Stacy. Candace says that she’s ready for Jeremy’s band Jeremy and the Incidentals to perform at the Summer festival, however, when she notices the time she is curious as to why everything seems so normal. Looking out her window, Candace sees Phineas and Ferb standing doing nothing. Linda and Candace both find that the boys are just relaxing, and the former leaves the house as usual (Linda mentions she is going to the summer festival to set up her tea cosy stand). Phineas realizes that Perry is gone, who by now had already entered his secret lair. Candace then walks over to Phineas and Ferb to warn them not to ruin her day with their usual antics. Still suspicious over her brothers’ motives, Candace later contacts Linda to complain that Phineas and Ferb are messing up her day by doing nothing. Linda convinces Candace to relax and leave her brothers to their “do nothing day.” Candace concedes to her mother’s advice and eventually decides to just enjoy herself for the rest of the day until Stacy picks her up for the concert later.

This proves to be a challenge for Candace as she realizes that not a single one of her day-to-day actions doesn’t involve busting her brothers. So she attempts to tempt them with blue prints, including a throw-back to both the Time Machine and the Shrinking Submarine (the Time Traveling Submarine). Without any options remaining, she watches TV, where she sees an ad for a giant T-Rex slide (The “Amazing Man-Eating Dinosaur-Themed-Totally-Sick Water Slide of Doom”) that can be assembled by even a five-year old. Ordering it, she believes that the boys will eventually try to show her how to build it (because they’re men) and while doing so, Candace plans to call Linda and thus bust them in the act.

Meanwhile, Perry is told by a preoccupied Major Monogram to stop Dr. Doofenshmirtz. When Perry attempts to confront his arch-nemesis he is struck by the Slow-motion-inator, causing him to, obviously, move in slow motion. Doofenshmirtz explains that he plans to turn everyone in the Tri-State Area ugly (by means of the Ugly-inator) to make up for his own apparent lack of handsomeness by harnessing the ugliness of a horned frog. To test his invention he fires it at Vance Ward, transforming him gruesomely. Dr. Doofenshmirtz goes on to execute the rest of his evil plan from the comfort of his living room (complete with flat screen TV and recliner chair) suspended from a giant balloon.

Back at the Flynn-Fletcher backyard, Candace attempts to lure her brothers into helping her build the water slide by constructing it next to where her brothers are relaxing. The initial endeavor failed, with a rebuttal from Phineas to keep the noise down. Undeterred, Candace resumes building the giant water slide, while constantly pointing out how fun the whole operation seems and how it reminds her brothers of their previous construction projects. As Candace nears the completion of the water slide (with Phineas and Ferb still refusing to join her) she doesn’t hear her phone ringing.

On Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s floating living room, Perry (still in slow motion) appears to reach for the Ugly-inator but is quickly intercepted by Dr. Doofenshmirtz who mocks Perry for being too slow to do so. However, Perry instead was aiming for the slow-motion-inator (situated nearby) and reverses its effect on himself, returning Perry back to normal speed. A fight ensues between Perry and Dr. Doofenshmirtz, with Perry being struck by the Ugly-inator in the process. Perry launches himself at Dr. Doofenshmirtz (who was busy laughing at his appearance), causing him to accidentally bump into a lever which triggers an anchor to drop (albeit not reaching the ground).

Stacy arrives at Candace’s backyard and was briefly shocked to see Candace sitting atop the giant water slide she built in her obsessive attempt to bust her brothers. Stacy climbs up the slide to ask her why Candace hasn’t answered any of her calls and to remind her of the concert. Just as Candace returns to her senses, the anchor from Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s floating living room hooks onto the slide and lifts it up into the air, aiming it towards the Summer festival.

Meanwhile, Jeremy and the Incidentals are performing on stage (singing Do Nothing Day), but the struggle between Perry and Dr. Doofenshmirtz causes a stray beam from the Ugly-inator to strike the band and the audience, transforming the whole scene into a heavy metal rock concert. The rope connecting the anchor snaps, thus landing the giant water slide, along with Stacy and Candace, onto the stage. Stacy doesn’t realize that the heavy-metal band is, in fact, a transmogrified version of Jeremy and the Incidentals, even remarking it to be the “opening act.” As Perry continues to fight with Dr. Doofenshmirtz, the gun strikes Dr. Doofenshmirtz, but he doesn’t suffer from any transformation, apparently due to fact that he was already ugly to begin with. Perry then reverses the effect of the Ugly-inator by substituting the horned frog for Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s autographed picture of Vance Ward. Perry then restores Vance Ward, Jeremy’s band, the rest of the concert audience, and himself back into the original state. Vance Ward panics and escapes by jumping down from the floating living room, but is rescued by Perry who shoots both himself and the actor with the slow-motion-inator, hence leading to them falling slowly to the ground. As they descend, Perry fires the now-handsome-inator at Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s balloon, turning it into a giant pink heart-shaped balloon with the inscription “I Love Goodness” on it.

Linda arrives at home to find her sons still enjoying their best lazy day ever. Perry appears (now in his pet guise) along with a still slow-motioned Vance Ward.

Cast

 * Vincent Martella as Phineas, additional aoices
 * Ashley Tisdale as Candace
 * Thomas Sangster as Ferb
 * Caroline Rhea as Mom and Grandma Betty Joe
 * Dan Povenmire as Dr. Doofenshmirtz
 * Jeff “Swampy” Marsh as Major Monogram, additional voices
 * Richard O’Brien as Dad
 * Dee Bradley Baker as Perry, additional voices
 * Mitchel Musso as Jeremy
 * Vicki Lawrence as Hildegard
 * Kelly Hu as Stacy
 * Kari Wahlgren as Suzy, additional voices
 * Diedrich Bader as Vance Ward, additional voices
 * Barry Bostwick as Grandpa Clyde